YETI Not SETI Institute releases doctored photographs of key Bored Board of Director Members

Denies action is part of a Federal plea bargain deal. 

As part of the Institute's cease-and-desist gentlemen's agreement with the IRS and the FBI, the Bored of Directors have graciously allowed their photographs to be shared with the public. 

Dr. Karl Blinng, Glorious Leader and Director-For-Life of the YETI NOT SETI Institute:

Seriously, this guy is delusional. He has invested his entire professional career and multiple fortunes in trying to find viable, slimy, Bigfoot DNA samples across the world. Someone needs to stop this madness! Blinng has a Ph.D. in Cryptozoology, and in his case it is indeed piled higher and deeper. Dr. Blinng has never actually seen a Bigfoot. Blinng has fruitlessly searched for Sasquatch in North America, Asia, and Europe. A California aggie, Blinng followed his passion for Crypto-medicine to become a caring, kind, and compassionate doctor to his community. Ha! Ha! Just joking! His nickname in the office is "Dr. Demented-Evil!". Sincerely, Recently Fired Employee who kept his Institute website password. (Editor's Note: This passage is flagged for objectionable content, and is under review. We welcome any breathing  applicant for this position, any! )

Ricard Scheister, Esq, Legal Advisor and 24-hour Bail Bondsman for the YETI NOT SETI Institute: 

Ricard Scheister is an acknowledged heavy-weight in the crypto-zoological legal profession. Very heavy-weight. He knows where all the Sasquatch bodies are buried, and is semi-adept at protecting the Institute from itself. While suspected of having Sasquatch genes in his DNA, Ricard has refused to have himself tested by BigfootAncestry.com. Scheister has actually seen a Bigfoot, though this was in his high school years and it was all a bit hazy. A graduate of a major law school in the Northeast, Scheister specializes in crypto-creature legal matters. "If there's any money in it, I'm in. Sue 'em!"

Erk Holohead, Suspicious Solicitations, Investments, and Propaganda Director:

Erk Holohead uses creative financing to keep the Institute loaded with Other People's Money. He is well known by the SEC for reasons Ricard Scheister is paid to 'handle'. Erk supports the Institute's Widow and Orphan Fund. This doesn't involve giving actual money to Widows and Orphans. No, that would be dumb. Erk runs a slick sentimental campaign to fool, nay encourage, Widows and Orphans to donate funds to help Dr. Blinng live the lavish lifestyle... live the dream of capturing real Bigfoot DNA. He suspects his history teacher in middle school was an overweight Bigfoot. Erk appropriately graduated with a BS crypto-business degree. Specializing in undergrad and graduate get-rich-quick schemes for unethical sales and misleading marketing and web-marketing skills, Erk used his business travels to fruitlessly track down elusive Sasquatches in North and South America, Asia, and Europe. Nada.

Divot Looney, Newest Chump in our Pyramid Scheme,  Proud New Member of the Bored of Directors:

We kept this older photo as we just like the look of sheer surprise and terror on Divot's face. His role as Bigfoot Bashing Bait is going very well.

The Institute is happy to announce the formal induction of Divot Looney into the Bored of Directors. While a bit nervous about the Secret Initiation Ritual, he eventually came around. Looney's expertise in Sasquatchology centers mainly on the fact that he is often the victim of Bigfoot attacks. It's almost as if these Bigfoots are targeting Divot, or he has been duped into being used as Sasquatch bait! This singular fact alone qualifies him as a member. When one considers his ample supply of unmarked $10,000 Venezuelan Bolivares bills, from which the Institute is now liberating funds to help keep Institute personnel in the lifestyle to which they are accustomed, it all makes sense.

 

Kikki Dumpster: Our Really, Really Newest Member of the Institute's Bored of Directors. First Female Board Member, perhaps its last?

Kikki Dumpster reacting with unbridled JOY at her nomination and election to the Institute's Bored of Directors.

Ms. Kikki Dumpster has the dubious "honor" of becoming our first woman bored of directors member. Her unique qualifications include an unhealthy paranoia of chem-trails, brain-wave monitoring by secret government agencies, EMP attacks from high-power voltage lines, and Bigfoots! She is convinced there was a gang of immature and obnoxious Bigfoots at her high school. The foolish school administration just laughed at her, motivating her to uncover Bigfoot activity and expose the truth. Kikki also runs ultra-marathons in the Kalahari Desert, while secretly scouting for Sasquatches and Space Aliens. Equipped with a degree in crypto-design from an Aggie college somewhere in California, Kikki is constantly writing about ancient alien encounters.

 

Dr. Lulu Lomax, Crypto-Zoological Bone Doc and Bigfoot Huntress, joins the Institute's Bored of Directors! Female Representation Doubles! 

Dr. Lulu Lomax had two major goals in her youth. One: To become an MD bone-surgeon with a side specialty in crypto-creature ortho-surgeries, de-licing treatments, and alien autopsies. Two: Discover a real Bigfoot in the wild. "The sight of blood never bothered me; red, green, whatever. The sight of Bigfoot blood is something I want to see! And Bigfoot bones, yes... Bigfoot bones!" She first encountered a feral bigfoot near the Brazos River in Texas in 2007. Along with Kelvin Kmess, Lulu ran into another Sasquatch beast in Panama in 2018. She also encountered a Bigfoot at a Florida Beach Resort in 2009. "The beasts looked disgusting and reminded me of a few of my teachers.", exclaimed Lomax. Her recent Sasquatch exploration in Montana, along with a healthy initiation fee in small unmarked bills, prompted her nomination to the bored of directors. The final vote for approval was 132-14, as one of the more elderly bored members objected to doubling the number of females on the board to two, and simultaneously allowing a Texas Aggie a seat on the bored. But when the objecting director nodded off and took a nap at the table, enthusiastic ballot stuffing and underhanded bribes commenced. In the end, the glittering allure of strengthened nepotism control overcame all objections.   

 

Kelvin Kmess, Sasquatch Videographer, Engineer and Crypto-Comic Book Enthusiast joins the Institute Board of Directors!

The Institute welcomes Kelvin Kmess as a Bored of Director member, and thanks Kelvin for his transferring a precious video sighting of a Sasquatch in the wilds of Montana to the Institute, while under duress. As part of the 'agreement', the Institute has agreed to pay Kelvin in Balboa Martinelli coins and in smuggled illicit Panamá coffee grounds. Kelvin has witnessed multiple encounters with Bigfoots. "Strange, but once I began associating with certain rather bizarre people, I began to see Bigfoots everywhere!". Equipped with a Master's Degree in Crypto-Steampunk Engineering from an isolated college station of some sort in Texas, Kelvin is able to tackle tough technological challenges associated with Bigfoot Hunting... like how to open a camera lense before taking amazing Bigfoot photos, or pushing the right button on an IPhone to begin recording a Sasqautch live, or knowing how to properly focus a camera... demanding skills which are sadly lacking in the international Sasquatch Hunter community! The final vote of approval was 132-14, as one antiquated bored member strenously objected to having two Texas Aggies on the Bored, two California Aggies, two females, and any members under the age of 187. A snifter of good brandy put him into a deep slumber, however, and the rest of the board fell into line under the watchful glare of Blinng and Holohead... especially when they noticed the Colt Detective Special on display by Holohead.

 

Brucillus Hail, South Florida Crypto-Cat-Stomp-Murder Research Specialist:

Brucillus Hail witnessed an actual cat-stomping Big Foot attack in the Florida Keys. Ever since this CATastrophic incident, he has been keenly focused on finding the particular Bigfoot which did the dirty deed, which is a challenge as it's relatively easy for a Sasquatch to blend in with the local population. Brucillus reports back to the Institute whenever he encounters strangely South Florida feline Sasquatch sightings. Learn more about Brucillus's harrowing cat crunch adventure, viewer discretion advised.

The YETI NOT SETI Institute has proudly enjoyed stagnant, stable, stale, and incompetent Bored of Director membership for years. There have been some exceptions:

Bored of Director Shake-up for the YETI NOT SETI Institute

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