Sunday, March 21, 2010

About The YETI not SETI Institute:

This amazing website is under utter deconstruction and will be updated with amazing news and facts about BigFoot once we finally get some.

If you are desperately bored learn more about the YETI not SETI Institute's Board of Directors! It's fun and something you can scare your kids with if they don't behave:
Yeti Not Seti Institute:
The current board is the result of a successful coups, counter-coups, activist investors, bribes, and nasty power struggles. The Bored of Directors tends to unite when outsiders, such as the IRS, come calling. Current directors combined credit cards to fund a hostile take-over and kicked out the previous board, which had unreasonably demanded inappropriate attention on 'ROI', 'value for money' and 'good governance'. With the new board in place, the Institute has returned to its core mission, self-enrichment of the board members using Sasquatch as our meal ticket.

This noble cause is confirmed by the Yeti Not Seti Mission Statement:

The Yeti Not Seti Institute is dedicated to spending lots of other people's money to search for ancient hairy hominids with questionable personal hygiene habits. 

The YETI not SETI Bored of Directors:

Dr. Karl Blinng
The Institute's Director, Dr. Blinng, has a pseudo- scientific Ph.D. from a major offshore internet university. He has never actually seen a Bigfoot, but will spend large sums of money to acquire Sasquatch DNA samples: hair, fluids, and precious excreted waste samples. Blinng has a weird but passionate enthusiasm about Sasquatch bodily fluids. Prone to adrenal over-stimulation, his medication seems to be working much better these days. Dr. Blinng owes a significant amount in federal back-taxes, and knows 17 IRS agents on a first-name basis. He submits scientific papers to all the serious journals but no one will publish him, the fools! Blinng credits his 7th grade history teach for inspiring his interest in bigfootology, stating "he looked like a bigfoot, smelled like a bigfoot, and was about as smart as a bigfoot."

Mr. Erk Holohead
International businessman with 3.43 passports and no known permanent legal residence. Mr. Holohed hasn't paid taxes to any known government in 9 years. The SEC, IRS, HMRC and Interpol are eager to find him and have a chat about a long list of mutual issues of concern. Socializing with dodgy offshore hedge fund managers and Bigfoot hunters, he uses the Institute as a convenient tax shelter and money laundering operation. Rumored to live on a rubber dingy stationed in international waters, equipped with stealth technology, Holohed provides crucial creative propaganda support to the Institute as a result of successful blackmailing tactics by Dr. Blinng. Holohed is sure his 7th grade history teacher was a sasquatch.

Ricard Schiester, Esq.
Established C-level celebrity trial lawyer with a law degree from a "major Ivy League university" located in the Ozarks, Arkansas. Schiester is perfectly suited to questionable quasi-legal work, as he possesses few moral scruples and can squeeze money out of a rock, plantiff, defendant, or client, whichever comes first. He has fought off 14 attempts to get him debarred from legal practice in Romania and San Marino. Favorite saying: "So sue me already, ad quod damnum!". A confirmed Sasquatch believer, Schiester is convinced his 7th grade history teacher was a BigFoot.

Brucillus Hail: 
Newest member of the Bored of Directors. Invested in the Institute because he was promised a non-existent time-share condo in Key West. Fool! He has no idea what he is gotten himself into. He has witnessed Sasquatch cat carnage.

Mr. Krass Fffelpps:
Missing since 2010 in a strange case involving the California wine mafia, this infamous jug-wine vinologist is a suspected winery industrial spy. Famous for his 3 week old, bathtub aged, "
Le prématurée du vin nouveau à mauvaise odeur" series of box wines, he'd be wealthy by now but drinks most of his own production. Rumored to be providing vinology expertise to select Arctic Circle Siberian oligarchs. Fffelpps denies any connection with the institute, but we know better. 

The YETI not SETI Institue is a non-profit organization. Which is to say it has never made a profit. Revenue comes from suckers, ah, we mean distinguished, rich, elderly, forgetful donors. The Institute invests these funds for acquiring precious pseudo Bigfoot DNA samples and sending the Institute's part-time contract employees Elmer and Joe-Bob to the ends of the Earth to retrieve them. Additional investments keep Dr. Blinng in the lifestyle to which he is accustomed, including fu-fu nightcaps (exotic mixed drinks with bamboo umbrellas), total package cable tv, and all-inclusive resorts in the Caribbean.

The Institute accepts donations from school children, widows, orphans, Sasquatch and BigFoot fanatics, and gullible trust and pension funds - - including CALPERS.

Bored of Director Shake-up for the YETI NOT SETI Institute.

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