The Mad Hatter was a Bigfoot!
A Ring of Conspiracy: Alice, the March Hare, the Dormouse, the Mad Hatter. |
Research at the YETI not SETI Institute, including extensive visits to authoritative Crypto-podcasts and sensationalist websites, has uncovered a shocking possibility... the Mad Hatter was in fact a Bigfoot. So was Lewis Carroll.
Alice's Adventures in Wonderland could only have been written by an unfortunate writer under the influence of LSD (not yet invented in 1865) or by an excessively demented Sasquatch high on Absinthe. A close look at the Mad Hatter in the famous original illustration of the Tea Party indicates facial features commonly found in Gigantopithecus Revoltus. In fact, the Hatter could not have been "Mad" so much as "Simian", which would explain much of his behavior and the eventual failure of his hat emporium business. Curiously, Alice appears to be the actual ring-leader of the group, leading one to speculate that perhaps the entire book was based upon true if fictional events.
Institute Bored of Director Erk Holohed, who (mis)managed the research team in this incredible effort, was optimistic. "I'm optimistic! We're trying to kick-start a video series on this amazing find, entitled "Alice, Bigfoot, and Ancient Aliens".... we're in negotiations with major streaming and cable services now. I wish they would return my calls. This could go bonkers! Then we can all retire in style and move to a dodgy tax-haven somewhere which has no extradition treaty with the USA."
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