NEWS: Kelvin Kmess Joins Institute's Bored of Directors!

Kelvin Kmess, Sasquatch Videographer, Engineer and Crypto-Comic-Book Enthusiast joins the Institute Bored of Directors!

The Institute welcomes Kelvin Kmess as a Bored of Director member, and thanks Kelvin for his transferring a precious video sighting of a Sasquatch in the wilds of Montana to the Institute, while under duress. As part of the 'agreement', the Institute has agreed to pay Kelvin in Balboa Martinelli coins and in smuggled illicit Panamá coffee grounds. Kelvin has witnessed multiple encounters with Bigfoots. "Strange, but once I began associating with certain rather bizarre people, I began to see Bigfoots everywhere!". Equipped with a Master's Degree in Crypto-Steampunk Engineering from an isolated college station of some sort in Texas, Kelvin is able to tackle tough technological challenges associated with Bigfoot Hunting... like how to open a camera lense before taking amazing Bigfoot photos, or pushing the right button on an IPhone to begin recording a Sasqautch live, or knowing how to properly focus a camera... demanding skills which are sadly lacking in the international Sasquatch Hunter community! The final vote of approval was 132-14, as one antiquated bored member strenously objected to having two Texas Aggies on the Bored, two California Aggies, two females, and any members under the age of 187. A snifter of good brandy put him into a deep slumber, however, and the rest of the board fell into line under the watchful glare of Blinng and Holohead... especially when they noticed the Colt Detective Special on display by Holohead.

To see the entire updated rogue's gallery of Bored Directors, please visit: YETI Not SETI Institute releases doctored photographs of key Bored Board of Director Members.

Montreal Bigfoot Expedition Discovers Mysterious Historic Artifact!

Barging Bigfoot Rewrites Quebec History!? Bungling Montreal Bigfoot Hiding in Bronze!? Ou alors, on ne sait absolument pas de quoi on parle ? 

The Canadian province of Quebec is in more turmoil than usual from a spat of Sasquatch related news stories which have caused shock along with gigantic waves of gallic indifference.

Newly Discovered Painting Rewrites Frenchy History in Quebec!

A painting discovered at a random garage sale in Martinez California by Dr. Karl Blinng clearly shows a Bigfoot present in the French Army during the first battle of Quebec on the Plains of Abraham in 1759. Is this why they lost the battle, again? Major-General Louis Joseph de Saint Véran, Marquis de Montcalm, is shown dying during the battle with the "Les Rosbifs". The French Sasquatch is gathered with other dramatic and concerned army staff. The soldier closing his eyes on the left is highly either shocked by the sight of Bigfoot, or Montcalm's impending death, or nasty visions of 1763, 1812, 1871, 1940, etc. etc. etc. Vive la France!

Montreal Monkey Sculpture Modified Overnight! 

The Citizens of Montreal are in Simian Shock. Or rather Ape-Sh*t Shocked! Somehow, a mysterious third and quite hairy hominid figure was added overnight to the famous La réflexion du chimpanzé lire des éditoriaux absurdes edifice, erected in Montreal in 2021. Karl Blinng was in Montreal during the recent primate panic and alarm raised over the unexplainable statue addition. "The change in the sculpture is extremely hard to spot for layman... it takes a true world-class expert like myself to see it.", pontificated Dr. Blinng, "The bronzed addition of what appears to be a Sasquatch is verrrry mysterious. No one knows how the beast was added. However the fact that flies are attracted to it may indicate the so-called 'bronze bigfoot' is actually a real flesh-and-blood Sasquatch hiding from the police. These ape-beasts like leftover rancid poutine found in trash bins. They tip the bins all time. Hairy Hooligans!" 

YETI NOT SETI Launches Paranoia Conspiracy Project!

Risky Brain-Wave Monitoring Blockage Project!

 YETI NOT SETI Bored of Directors have launched an exciting research project to determine if Tin-foil Helmets protect humans from top secret government and space-alien brainwave monitoring spy projects. 

Learn more, just don't tell anyone:

 YETI NOT SETI Launches Conspiracy Protection Research Project!

Sasquatches are reality, not a conspiracy. Just ask us!

 

NEWS: Female Joins the YETI NOT SETI INSTITUTE Board of Directors!

Token Woman joins the YETI NOT SETI Board! 

The YETI not SETI Bored of Directors welcomes its newest member to the bored, Ms. Kikki Dumpster. After 32 rounds of voting and several cash-only transactions, the final vote in favor was 27 yeas and 15 nays. Which is strange as there are only 5 active board members. 

Along with the yeas and nays there were several whinnies, which were not counted. 

Despite entrenched opposition from diehard board traditionalists, eventually reason prevailed and Kikki's nomination was approved. "This is the 19th Century after all! It's about time we added a woman bored member AND give them the right to vote in local elections... if they have sufficient property and wealth status, of course." sniffed one rather ageing bored member. 

"It was not incompetent DEI policies that forced our hand on this diversification of the board. No... it was NEPOTISM! Good old-fashioned nepotism... a grand old tradition for board membership. And bribes, one mustn't forget bribes." exclaimed an enthusiastic board member. 

Kikki Dumpster was thrilled to be nominated and admitted to the Board. "The Institute's offices are a trashed-up man-cave lair. It needs dire sanitation treatment, trash removal, and a woman's touch pronto!"

As part of her Bored of Director duties, she will report on Sasquatch Sightings and related phoeneome... phoneemona... phenomenon where ever she stumbles into it. 

YETI NOT SETI INSTITUTE ATTEMPTS RESCUE OF SASQUATCH MUSEUM ARTIFACTS! POLICE INTERVENE!

Heroic President-for-Life of the YETI-not-SETI Institute thwarted in attempt to rescue priceless Bigfoot artifacts! Released on Bail.

Dr. Karl Blinng, our brave and intrepid President-for-Life at the prestigious YETI-not-SETI Institute located in the wilderness of Yuba City, California, was briefly detained by Santa Cruz County police on suspicion of attempting to enter without permission the now sadly closed Bigfoot Discovery Museum located in frenzied Felton California. 

"I was framed! Or rather, the window frame wouldn't open.", exclaimed our Fearless Leader upon release from the local jail. "It's all a terrible misunderstanding! I wasn't engaged in robbery so much as saving priceless Sasquatch artifacts collected over decades from being lost to pseudo-science forever! I'm innocent, I tell youse, innocent! Now where is my damn lawyer?!"

Have you seen this man? If so, don't call us!

Ricard Scheister, a member of the Bored of Directors for the YETI-not-SETI Institute and legal counsel and bail bondsman for the organization, was surprised. "I'm surprised! I'm surprised Blinng didn't take any well-known professional tools used by burglars the world over. What a schmutz. Regrettably I'm on retainer, a bad decision made years ago... so I'm forced to defend this crypto-zoological-nut-case in court. It'd be nice if he paid my legal fees for once."

Dr. Blinng casing the joint... ah, reconnoitering the... sneaking around the... oh forget it! 

Dr. Blinng released an Institute press release later in the week: "Hey, it was all a joke, heh heh. Yeah, that's it, a joke! Yeah. While I thought I could 'borrow' a life-size statue of Sasquatch and put it in my living room, I soon understood that if I did my wife would poison my chicken soup. I was just trying to look over the priceless artifacts in the Bigfoot Discovery Museum, and then bid on them when they come up for auction at Billy Bob's auction warehouse, or on A-bay, whatever that is? I have a few credit cards which can score me an ancient Sasquatch coprolite or two!"

A Sasquatch was spotted at the Bigfoot Discovery Museum! Authorities are quiet on the matter. 

Erk Holohead, a member of the Bored of Directors and Spin & Propaganda Minister, was amazed. "I'm amazed! Firstly, I'm amazed Blinng didn't pull off the heist, er 'visit'. He was obsessed with acquiring those precious artifacts without paying for them? Secondly, an authentic Sasquatch was photographed crossing the Museum grounds soon after Blinng's arrest, ahhh, misunderstanding by local brave-officers-of-the-law... now can we our director's bail bond reduced, pretty please? Blinng may be eccentric but he poses no harm to anyone - - except for irritating small yappy dogs which invariably lunge for the ankles... with those nasty beasts he is ferocious."

Alice in Wonderland Shocker! Research Surprise: The Mad Hatter and Sasquatch.

 The Mad Hatter was a Bigfoot!

A Ring of Conspiracy: Alice, the March Hare, the Dormouse, the Mad Hatter. 

Research at the YETI not SETI Institute, including extensive visits to authoritative Crypto-podcasts and sensationalist websites, has uncovered a shocking possibility... the Mad Hatter was in fact a Bigfoot. So was Lewis Carroll. 

Alice's Adventures in Wonderland could only have been written by an unfortunate writer under the influence of LSD (not yet invented in 1865) or by an excessively demented Sasquatch high on Absinthe. A close look at the Mad Hatter in the famous original illustration of the Tea Party indicates facial features commonly found in Gigantopithecus Revoltus. In fact, the Hatter could not have been "Mad" so much as "Simian", which would explain much of his behavior and the eventual failure of his hat emporium business. Curiously, Alice appears to be the actual ring-leader of the group, leading one to speculate that perhaps the entire book was based upon true if fictional events. 

Institute Bored of Director Erk Holohed, who (mis)managed the research team in this incredible effort, was optimistic. "I'm optimistic! We're trying to kick-start a video series on this amazing find, entitled "Alice, Bigfoot, and Ancient Aliens".... we're in negotiations with major streaming and cable services now. I wish they would return my calls. This could go bonkers! Then we can all retire in style and move to a dodgy tax-haven somewhere which has no extradition treaty with the USA."

New Research Project to develop Perfumes based upon Sasquatch Aromas Announced.

YETI not SETI Institute to launch product R&D for Bigfoot inspired perfumes.

(Yuba City, California) The prestigious and puerile YETI not SETI Institute announces an exciting new project based in Paris, France, to develop a line of 'high-end colognes' using extremely scarce Bigfoot pheromones, perspiration, and other unfortunate bodily aromas and fluids. 

The Sasquatch Stench of Financial Success is in the Air.

Erk Holohead, a member of the Institute's bored of directors, said "This is erratic and exciting news! The Institute will conduct an intensive series of rigorous de-formulation chemical analysis tests of Bigfoot pheromones, scents, and other nasties we can get our hands on. Once we figure out the perfume formulas our master plan is to produce synthetic versions of these valuable bodily Sasquatch chemicals, put them in expensive fancy frenchie bottles, and sell them to masochists and sadists across the world. Both groups are natural target markets who will undoubtedly appreciate (in their own special ways) such novel 'perfumes'! The new line of exquisite bigfoot aromas will be called 'Les Puants'. Le nom de la marque semble très snob et français, n'est-ce pas?"

Ricard Scheister, another bored of directors member and the Institute's 24/7 legal counsel and bail bondsman, gave the project his flashing red light. "I'm pretty sure this project goes against common sense and would violate some Geneva Convention agreement or another, if we were to get caught. But we won't! There are unfounded rumors that the amazing products we aim to produce would hit unwitting consumers with the equivalent of a ton of mustard gas, but that is just hearsay and since the Institute has zero assets there would be no tangible recourse to plaintiffs in any event. In other words, this project is a natural for the YETI not SETI Institute!" 

Ricard continued, "By the way, the Institute has an exciting offer, for a hefty fee, to the parents of high school seniors wanting to attend USC or UCLA. Their generous "donations" in unmarked bills will allow us to list their little darlings as "research assistants" for our project - - which will look impressive on the brats' college applications?  Hey, it brought a ton o' cash for the "Varsity Blues" folks.  Worked like a charm."

Work is already beginning on the ambitious bigfoot aromas de-formulation project. Brucillus Hail, yet another member of the bored of directors, is already playing with high-school chemistry sets and delving deep into the unknown world of Sasquatch pheromone replication. Brucillus doesn't follow a lab safety-first culture ('that's for wussies!'). Due to repeated exposure to dangerous bigfoot chemical compounds he has started to grow hair on his hands and feet. "What's a few bigfoot hairs on my fingers? Nothing! All for Science!", said Brucillus, "I'm working on the next phase of our ground-breaking research - I wonder which is more attractive for the bigfoot olfactory glands; the smell of stale Aussie beer tainted with bigfoot bodily fluids, or sweaty tourists exposed to sasquatch pheromones?"

Karl Blinng, President-for-Life of the YETI not SETI Institute, was pleased with this new project. "Ding dang it! At last we can make some money while chasing Bigfoot sightings! YETI NOT SETI will accept all donations, bribes, grants. Cash is best. Bolivares if you got 'em. If our scheme works, I can at last make that down-payment on a chartreuse Bentley I've been eyeing so long at the local Yuba City used car lot. So tasteful, elegant, and très à gauche! We can keep this sucker's investment game going for years! Ha ha ha ha!" (Editor's note: Delete Blinng's last two sentences.)