YETI NOT SETI Launches Paranoia Conspiracy Project!

Risky Brain-Wave Monitoring Blockage Project!

 YETI NOT SETI Bored of Directors have launched an exciting research project to determine if Tin-foil Helmets protect humans from top secret government and space-alien brainwave monitoring spy projects. 

Learn more, just don't tell anyone:

 YETI NOT SETI Launches Conspiracy Protection Research Project!

Sasquatches are reality, not a conspiracy. Just ask us!

 

NEWS: Female Joins the YETI NOT SETI INSTITUTE Board of Directors!

Token Woman joins the YETI NOT SETI Board! 

The YETI not SETI Bored of Directors welcomes its newest member to the bored, Ms. Kikki Dumpster. After 32 rounds of voting and several cash-only transactions, the final vote in favor was 27 yeas and 15 nays. Which is strange as there are only 5 active board members. 

Along with the yeas and nays there were several whinnies, which were not counted. 

Despite entrenched opposition from diehard board traditionalists, eventually reason prevailed and Kikki's nomination was approved. "This is the 19th Century after all! It's about time we added a woman bored member AND give them the right to vote in local elections... if they have sufficient property and wealth status, of course." sniffed one rather ageing bored member. 

"It was not incompetent DEI policies that forced our hand on this diversification of the board. No... it was NEPOTISM! Good old-fashioned nepotism... a grand old tradition for board membership. And bribes, one mustn't forget bribes." exclaimed an enthusiastic board member. 

Kikki Dumpster was thrilled to be nominated and admitted to the Board. "The Institute's offices are a trashed-up man-cave lair. It needs dire sanitation treatment, trash removal, and a woman's touch pronto!"

As part of her Bored of Director duties, she will report on Sasquatch Sightings and related phoeneome... phoneemona... phenomenon where ever she stumbles into it. 

YETI NOT SETI INSTITUTE ATTEMPTS RESCUE OF SASQUATCH MUSEUM ARTIFACTS! POLICE INTERVENE!

Heroic President-for-Life of the YETI-not-SETI Institute thwarted in attempt to rescue priceless Bigfoot artifacts! Released on Bail.

Dr. Karl Blinng, our brave and intrepid President-for-Life at the prestigious YETI-not-SETI Institute located in the wilderness of Yuba City, California, was briefly detained by Santa Cruz County police on suspicion of attempting to enter without permission the now sadly closed Bigfoot Discovery Museum located in frenzied Felton California. 

"I was framed! Or rather, the window frame wouldn't open.", exclaimed our Fearless Leader upon release from the local jail. "It's all a terrible misunderstanding! I wasn't engaged in robbery so much as saving priceless Sasquatch artifacts collected over decades from being lost to pseudo-science forever! I'm innocent, I tell youse, innocent! Now where is my damn lawyer?!"

Have you seen this man? If so, don't call us!

Ricard Scheister, a member of the Bored of Directors for the YETI-not-SETI Institute and legal counsel and bail bondsman for the organization, was surprised. "I'm surprised! I'm surprised Blinng didn't take any well-known professional tools used by burglars the world over. What a schmutz. Regrettably I'm on retainer, a bad decision made years ago... so I'm forced to defend this crypto-zoological-nut-case in court. It'd be nice if he paid my legal fees for once."

Dr. Blinng casing the joint... ah, reconnoitering the... sneaking around the... oh forget it! 

Dr. Blinng released an Institute press release later in the week: "Hey, it was all a joke, heh heh. Yeah, that's it, a joke! Yeah. While I thought I could 'borrow' a life-size statue of Sasquatch and put it in my living room, I soon understood that if I did my wife would poison my chicken soup. I was just trying to look over the priceless artifacts in the Bigfoot Discovery Museum, and then bid on them when they come up for auction at Billy Bob's auction warehouse, or on A-bay, whatever that is? I have a few credit cards which can score me an ancient Sasquatch coprolite or two!"

A Sasquatch was spotted at the Bigfoot Discovery Museum! Authorities are quiet on the matter. 

Erk Holohead, a member of the Bored of Directors and Spin & Propaganda Minister, was amazed. "I'm amazed! Firstly, I'm amazed Blinng didn't pull off the heist, er 'visit'. He was obsessed with acquiring those precious artifacts without paying for them? Secondly, an authentic Sasquatch was photographed crossing the Museum grounds soon after Blinng's arrest, ahhh, misunderstanding by local brave-officers-of-the-law... now can we our director's bail bond reduced, pretty please? Blinng may be eccentric but he poses no harm to anyone - - except for irritating small yappy dogs which invariably lunge for the ankles... with those nasty beasts he is ferocious."

Alice in Wonderland Shocker! Research Surprise: The Mad Hatter and Sasquatch.

 The Mad Hatter was a Bigfoot!

A Ring of Conspiracy: Alice, the March Hare, the Dormouse, the Mad Hatter. 

Research at the YETI not SETI Institute, including extensive visits to authoritative Crypto-podcasts and sensationalist websites, has uncovered a shocking possibility... the Mad Hatter was in fact a Bigfoot. So was Lewis Carroll. 

Alice's Adventures in Wonderland could only have been written by an unfortunate writer under the influence of LSD (not yet invented in 1865) or by an excessively demented Sasquatch high on Absinthe. A close look at the Mad Hatter in the famous original illustration of the Tea Party indicates facial features commonly found in Gigantopithecus Revoltus. In fact, the Hatter could not have been "Mad" so much as "Simian", which would explain much of his behavior and the eventual failure of his hat emporium business. Curiously, Alice appears to be the actual ring-leader of the group, leading one to speculate that perhaps the entire book was based upon true if fictional events. 

Institute Bored of Director Erk Holohed, who (mis)managed the research team in this incredible effort, was optimistic. "I'm optimistic! We're trying to kick-start a video series on this amazing find, entitled "Alice, Bigfoot, and Ancient Aliens".... we're in negotiations with major streaming and cable services now. I wish they would return my calls. This could go bonkers! Then we can all retire in style and move to a dodgy tax-haven somewhere which has no extradition treaty with the USA."

New Research Project to develop Perfumes based upon Sasquatch Aromas Announced.

YETI not SETI Institute to launch product R&D for Bigfoot inspired perfumes.

(Yuba City, California) The prestigious and puerile YETI not SETI Institute announces an exciting new project based in Paris, France, to develop a line of 'high-end colognes' using extremely scarce Bigfoot pheromones, perspiration, and other unfortunate bodily aromas and fluids. 

The Sasquatch Stench of Financial Success is in the Air.

Erk Holohead, a member of the Institute's bored of directors, said "This is erratic and exciting news! The Institute will conduct an intensive series of rigorous de-formulation chemical analysis tests of Bigfoot pheromones, scents, and other nasties we can get our hands on. Once we figure out the perfume formulas our master plan is to produce synthetic versions of these valuable bodily Sasquatch chemicals, put them in expensive fancy frenchie bottles, and sell them to masochists and sadists across the world. Both groups are natural target markets who will undoubtedly appreciate (in their own special ways) such novel 'perfumes'! The new line of exquisite bigfoot aromas will be called 'Les Puants'. Le nom de la marque semble très snob et français, n'est-ce pas?"

Ricard Scheister, another bored of directors member and the Institute's 24/7 legal counsel and bail bondsman, gave the project his flashing red light. "I'm pretty sure this project goes against common sense and would violate some Geneva Convention agreement or another, if we were to get caught. But we won't! There are unfounded rumors that the amazing products we aim to produce would hit unwitting consumers with the equivalent of a ton of mustard gas, but that is just hearsay and since the Institute has zero assets there would be no tangible recourse to plaintiffs in any event. In other words, this project is a natural for the YETI not SETI Institute!" 

Ricard continued, "By the way, the Institute has an exciting offer, for a hefty fee, to the parents of high school seniors wanting to attend USC or UCLA. Their generous "donations" in unmarked bills will allow us to list their little darlings as "research assistants" for our project - - which will look impressive on the brats' college applications?  Hey, it brought a ton o' cash for the "Varsity Blues" folks.  Worked like a charm."

Work is already beginning on the ambitious bigfoot aromas de-formulation project. Brucillus Hail, yet another member of the bored of directors, is already playing with high-school chemistry sets and delving deep into the unknown world of Sasquatch pheromone replication. Brucillus doesn't follow a lab safety-first culture ('that's for wussies!'). Due to repeated exposure to dangerous bigfoot chemical compounds he has started to grow hair on his hands and feet. "What's a few bigfoot hairs on my fingers? Nothing! All for Science!", said Brucillus, "I'm working on the next phase of our ground-breaking research - I wonder which is more attractive for the bigfoot olfactory glands; the smell of stale Aussie beer tainted with bigfoot bodily fluids, or sweaty tourists exposed to sasquatch pheromones?"

Karl Blinng, President-for-Life of the YETI not SETI Institute, was pleased with this new project. "Ding dang it! At last we can make some money while chasing Bigfoot sightings! YETI NOT SETI will accept all donations, bribes, grants. Cash is best. Bolivares if you got 'em. If our scheme works, I can at last make that down-payment on a chartreuse Bentley I've been eyeing so long at the local Yuba City used car lot. So tasteful, elegant, and très à gauche! We can keep this sucker's investment game going for years! Ha ha ha ha!" (Editor's note: Delete Blinng's last two sentences.)

YETI not SETI Institute Responds to Colorado bigfoot video.

The Colorado BigFoot Sighting - Analysis and Opinion. 

An amazingly insightful BigFoot Field Report from our intrepid pseudo-scientific investigator, Brucillus Hail, a part-time and poorly paid Sasquatch researcher from the YETI not SETI Institute. 

 

Brucillus Hail, Legendary Bigfoot Hunter in South Florida, Colorado and other exotic locations.

(Dateline October 2023, Somewhere in Crazy Colorado) 

The first thing that caught my attention was this Bigfoot's hair shining in the sun and flying around in the breeze. It's hair appears clean and possibly brushed or combed. Why does this raise my suspicions about the authenticity of this very compelling sighting?  Because it flies in the face of everything we know, or think we know, about bigfoot hygiene.  From a vast number of encounters, a typical bigfoot is a filthy revolting beast who has a stench unlike anything else in the animal kingdom.  Even a court of law in Texas would accept that the preponderance of evidence shows that a bigfoot stinks to high heaven 24/7!

Authentic images of incredible Sasquatch sighting in Colorado:

https://nypost.com/2023/10/11/bigfoot-spotted-in-colorado-in-broad-daylight-see-the-video/

I admit that this characteristic of the Sasquatch is at the front of my own mind because of my latest YETI not SETI Institute research project.  There are reports of the massive and muscular bigfoot being able to push trees and shrubs aside like toothpicks as it moves through the forest during what are thought to be temper tantrums.  But why don't we see these "bigfoot trails" all over the forested landscapes where these often angry beasts are thought to thrive?  I have a hypothesis on this matter that might explain the missing evidence of bigfoot trails.

Scientists have shown that when a swarm of harmful flying insects or caterpillars attacks the foliage of certain trees, biochemical signals are sent out into the roots and communicated to other trees via an underground network of fungi.  The other trees then ready their biochemical defenses to discourage the herbivorous bugs from causing any serious damage.

I contend that the stench of a Sasquatch is so powerful, that the trees in bigfoot habitats have evolved a similar mechanism to avoid the catastrophe that the rampage of an angry bigfoot can cause. As the leaves detect the Sasquatch Stench, the trees just fall over at the animal's approach, forming a path, and then recover with no sign of damage.  My research hasn't been published or even mentioned by the Institute before due to the fact that there is not yet enough data to support this hypothesis*.  But the key factor in this science is that a typical bigfoot stinks, and stinks a lot, and I believe that this implies they have no concept of grooming.

As a counter to my personal biases and assumptions, and faced with this compelling video from Colorado, I have to consider alternative ideas. Perhaps the individual bigfoot in the video is a genetic variant or "intelligent divergent".  Maybe it found a brush or comb at a human camp and figured out how to use it.  This clean and groomed bigfoot may be prancing around out in the open trying to attract other like-minded divergent members of the bigfoot population.  Imagine if this bigfoot spoke English.  Would it prefer to be known using the pronoun "they"?

There are just too many things we don't know about the Sasquatch.  Faced with this new video from Colorado, I believe that this bigfoot is genuine, but, by bigfoot standards, would be considered to be either a wuss, a weirdo, or both.

OK YETI not SETI Institute, I wrote this brilliantly scientific OP/ED piece for your idiotic blog. When will you now pay me the $37.74 you promised me?

Brucillus Hail, Sasquatch Pseudo-Scientific Field Researcher. 

*Editor's Note: The astounding research uncovered by Mr. Hail hadn't been published until today, as we are extremely lazy. 

Other catastrophic Colorado Sasquatch sightings!

Bigfoot Sighting in Rocky Mountains!

Mr. Bill Bashed by Bigfoots!

YETI NOT SETI INSTITUTE Announces new TOP SECRET Corporate Anthem!

New Patriotic Anthem Institutionalized for the YETI NOT SETI Institute! Comrades Rejoice!

In an extremely rare spark of musical inspiration and genius, one of our Bored of Directors has decided that what a great Institute of serious scientific studies requires is a great patriotic anthem to inspire the poorly paid interns and temporary help the Institute hires when needed, mostly to clean up various physical and legal messes. 

A Star is Born?

Ricard Scheister, Esq, one of the founding members of the prestigious Institute, came up with the novel idea when voices started talking to him, ordering him to write the remarkable anthem. "It's not so much the amount of time I have or don't have on my idle hands, it's about the voices in my head. Those voices. Those incessant, horrible voices . . . .  must . . . resist . . . .". After a brief struggle the voices took over his brain, and his cerebral cortex duly spit out the official anthem. This work of musical art is an amazing example of perspiration desperation inspiration (?).

Dr. Karl Blinng, President-for-Life of the YETI NOT SETI Institute, was thrilled. "I wish I'd thought of it first, darn it! That's OK, I'll get that Scheister later for this, somehow, somewhere. Just you wait!"

Erk Holohead, another founding member of the Institute, commented "Frankly this anthem is a stroke... of genius, I mean. It must be Institutionalized, along with its composer."

The Anthem is Top Secret, and only to be used by the Bored of Directors during secret meetings involving beer, pizza, and unspeakably secret cult rituals. 

Yeti Not Seti Institute

Official Document: Institutionalized Corporate Anthem

October 3, 2023

 DEEP IN THE HEART OF BIGFOOT

By Ricard Scheister, Esq.

 (New and improved)

(Sung to the tune of “Deep in the Heart of Texas”)

(Musical accompaniment by orchestral Kazoos and Harmonicas.)

  

The stars at night

Can cause a fright (clap clap clap clap)

When they shine down on Bigfoot.

That nasty brute

Is so hirsute. (clap clap clap clap)

Please stay upwind from Bigfoot

 

He’s big and hairy

And kind of scary. (clap clap clap)

But what is worst ‘bout Bigfoot

Is that awful smell

That stinks like hell (clap clap clap clap)

That emanates from Bigfoot.

 

Some call him Yeti,

Don’t call him SETI. (clap clap clap)

That is no name for Bigfoot.

Sasquatch will do,

And Crypto, too. (clap clap clap clap)

Those names are fine with Bigfoot.

 

Bliing, Holohead

and Scheisster said (clap clap clap clap)

That they’re researching Bigfoot.

But here’s a flash

It’s really cash (clap clap clap clap)

They’re trying to scam through Bigfoot.

 

Search far and near,

Search there and here (clap clap clap clap)

Search ev’ry ‘burb and boonie.

But his behind

No one can find (clap clap clap clap),

Not even Divot Looney.

 

We’ve searched all ‘round,

He can’t be found. (clap clap clap clap)

His hiding talent’s super.

But we’ve found out

The secret’s out (clap clap clap clap)

Bigfoot is D.B. Cooper!

 

We’ve never heard

a single word (clap clap clap clap)

that has been said by Bigfoot.

We know it blows, That’s how it goes

But ‘Cause noone knows (clap clap clap clap)

What’s in the heart of Bigfoot!

 

Institution Official Guidance:

The Institution’s Anthem is to be sung at the opening and closing of every official bored of directors meeting. Cheap pizza and beer are required during the ceremonies. The Anthem can be sung in languages other than English, accept under no circumstances in Esperanto.

Institute Announces New BORED of DIRECTOR - Looney Tunes

New Bored of Director Admitted. Bribery Sufficient to Proceed.  

Divot Looney has become the 5th acting Bored of Director at the prestigious YETI NOT SETI Institute. A photo will be provided once his recent plastic surgery (to evade several enthusiastic bill collectors) is healed and a full beard is in place. 

Erk Holohead confirms that since Divot's second check to the Institute for membership didn't bounce, the vote was 4-0 to admit him. "Hey, money talks. To be honest, we all thought he was a bit, well, looney. But he seemed to get along well with the Bored and he provides free beer and pizza. He may have the skills we always need to hood-wink, er, convince large donors of our just and noble research efforts. 

Government funded crypto research funds diverted invested to boost the morale of the Institute employees are always welcome. Essentially, Dr. Blinng's wine cellar at the Institute is running low on Sparkling Wine and Extra Spicy Fritos.... he needs replenishment. All for the good of Science and Cryptozoological Research." 

Alleged Photo of Divot Looney, a true Sasquatch Believer!

To see the entire rogue's gallery of Bored of Director members, visit YETI Not SETI Institute releases doctored photographs of key Bored Board of Director Members.

Bigfoot Research at the YETI NOT SETI INSTITUTE

Our Intrepid YETI NOT SETI INSTITUTE Members Work Day and Night Researching Sasquatch, Cryptozoology, and Cryptocurrencies. 

The staff of the Institute work day and night investigating reports of Sasquatch sightings across the world. The team will respond in a moment's notice eagerly visiting the exotic and remote locations of recent Bigfoot reports. The Institute does have a strict travel policy in place. Travel is allowed as long as there is indoor plumbing, with close proximity to a 4-Star resort with a fully stocked bar. These conditions are required for the team to conduct serious research into each hairy incident. 

Erk Holohead, one of the Institute's Bored of Directors, is often engaged in intense research of Bigfoot Sightings. Along with the other members, Erk also investigates new and novel ways to solicit badly needed contributions in order to keep the good work of the Institute going - - without incurring the unwanted attention of the SEC or FBI. 

While the Institute hasn't actually yet captured a live Bigfoot, nor retrieved a body, nor acquired a DNA sample, we are laser focused on finding an elusive Bigfoot - dead or alive. Alive is better, as we foresee the potential for millions in royalties once the beast hits the talk-show circuit. 

The YETI NOT SETI Institute has a mission of seeking proof that Sasquatch creatures exist and are living next door to you. Our research and exploration efforts have no limits as long as the Institute is amply funded by not-widows and not-orphans... pesky SEC compliance, darn it! To see the entire gang, er bored of directors, please visit: YETI Not SETI Institute releases doctored photographs of key Bored Board of Director Members.

YETI Not SETI Institute releases doctored photographs of key Bored Board of Director Members

Denies action is part of a Federal plea bargain deal. 

As part of the Institute's cease-and-desist gentlemen's agreement with the IRS and the FBI, the Bored of Directors have graciously allowed their photographs to be shared with the public. 

Dr. Karl Blinng, Glorious Leader and Director-For-Life of the YETI NOT SETI Institute:

Seriously, this guy is demented. He has invested his entire professional career and multiple fortunes in trying to find viable, slimy, Bigfoot DNA samples across the world. Someone needs to stop this madness! Blinng has a Ph.D. in Cryptozoology, and in his case it is indeed piled higher and deeper. Dr. Blinng has never actually seen a Bigfoot. Blinng has fruitlessly searched for Sasquatch in North America, Asia, and Europe. Sincerely, Recently Fired Employee who kept his Institute website password. (Editor's Note: This passage is flagged for objectionable content, and is under review. We welcome any breathing  applicant for this position, any! )

Ricard Scheister, Esq, Legal Advisor and 24-hour Bail Bondsman for the YETI NOT SETI Institute: 

Ricard Scheister is an acknowledged heavy-weight in the crypto-zoological legal profession. Very heavy-weight. He knows where all the Sasquatch bodies are buried, and is semi-adept at protecting the Institute from itself. While suspected of having Sasquatch genes in his DNA, Ricard has refused to have himself tested by BigfootAncestry.com. Scheister has actually seen a Bigfoot, though this was in his high school years and it was all a bit hazy. 

Erk Holohead, Suspicious Solicitations, Investments, and Propaganda Director:

Erk Holohead uses creative financing to keep the Institute loaded with Other People's Money. He is well known by the SEC for reasons Ricard Scheister is paid to 'handle'. Erk supports the Institute's Widow and Orphan Fund. This doesn't involve giving actual money to Widows and Orphans. No, that would be dumb. Erk runs a slick sentimental campaign to fool, nay encourage, Widows and Orphans to donate funds to help Dr. Blinng live the lavish lifestyle... live the dream of capturing real Bigfoot DNA. He suspects his history teacher in middle school was an overweight Bigfoot. Erk has fruitlessly tracked Sasquatches in North America, South America, Central America, Asia, and Europe. Nada.

 

Brucillus Hail, South Florida Crypto-Cat-Stomp-Murder Research Specialist:

Brucillus Hail witnessed an actual cat-stomping Big Foot attack in the Florida Keys. Ever since this CATastrophic incident, he has been keenly focused on finding the particular Bigfoot which did the dirty deed, which is a challenge as it's relatively easy for a Sasquatch to blend in with the local population. Brucillus reports back to the Institute whenever he encounters strangely South Florida feline Sasquatch sightings. Learn more about Brucillus's harrowing cat crunch adventure, viewer discretion advised.

Divot Looney, Newest Chump in our Pyramid Scheme,  Proud New Member of the Bored of Directors:

We kept this older photo as we just like the look of sheer surprise and terror on Divot's face. His role as Bigfoot Bashing Bait is going very well.

The Institute is happy to announce the formal induction of Divot Looney into the Bored of Directors. While a bit nervous about the Secret Initiation Ritual, he eventually came around. Looney's expertise in Sasquatchology centers mainly on the fact that he is often the victim of Bigfoot attacks. It's almost as if these Bigfoots are targeting Divot, or he has been duped into being used as Sasquatch bait! This singular fact alone qualifies him as a member. When one considers his ample supply of unmarked $10,000 Venezuelan Bolivares bills, from which the Institute is now liberating funds to help keep Institute personnel in the lifestyle to which they are accustomed, it all makes sense.

 

Kikki Dumpster: Our Really, Really Newest Member of the Institute's Bored of Directors. First Female Board Member, perhaps its last?

Kikki Dumpster reacting with unbridled JOY at her nomination and election to the Institute's Bored of Directors.

Ms. Kikki Dumpster has the dubious "honor" of becoming our first woman bored of directors member. Her unique qualifications include an unhealthy paranoia of chem-trails, brain-wave monitoring by secret government agencies, EMP attacks from high-power voltage lines, and Bigfoots! She is convinced there was a gang of immature and obnoxious Bigfoots at her high school. The foolish school administration just laughed at her, motivating her to uncover Bigfoot activity and expose the truth. Kikki also runs ultra-marathons in the Kalahari Desert, while secretly scouting for Sasquatches and Space Aliens. 

The YETI NOT SETI Institute has proudly enjoyed stagnant, stable, stale, and incompetent Bored of Director membership for years. There have been some exceptions:

Bored of Director Shake-up for the YETI NOT SETI Institute

BIGFOOT NEWS and SASQUATCH SIGHTINGS
EXCLUSIVE BREAKING BigFoot NEWS & PHOTOS!

Panamá Bigfoot Pandemonium - A History

Bigfoot Sightings in the Republic of Panamá.

The Republic of Panamá, located somewhere between Mexico City and Bogota, is known as the "Crossroads of the World", with commerce, people, and animals all taking advantage of the Isthmus between North and South America, and of course the Panama Canal. But nasty creatures have also taken advantage of this natural highway between the Americas, including Sasquatch - -  Gigantopithicus Robustus Revoltus.

In a blatant dis-service to the public and in particular to Panemonioans... Ponamemians... er Panamanians, we've extensively researched the existence of Bigfoot in Panama. As only the YETI not SETI Institute can accomplish, these news stories of Bigfoot in Panama have been confirmed and verified by notable experts in pseudo Sasquatchology. Per our common practice, we'll happily take these news items down if the Department of Tourism in Panama pays our ransom, ah, 'consulting fee'.

Bigfoot spotted on the Pacific Coast of Panama.

Recorded Sightings of Bigfoots in Panama:

• Bigfoot sightings in the Punta Pacifica, Punta Paitilla, and the Cinta Costera neighborhoods.
• Sasquatch was spotted roaming the streets of Isla Taboga.
• Jar Jar Bynx Found Dead in Panama. Star Warz Actor Murdered by Panama BigFoot? 
• Panama Jungle Bigfoot Spotted in Darién Gap!
• Panama Island Bigfoot Sighting!
• BigFoot Causes Panic in Tropical Paradise!
• Sasquatch is a Panama Party Animal...
• Sasquatch Pandemonium in Panama!
• BigFoot sighting at Avenida Balboa Park Complex in Panama City

Erk Holohead, a member of the Bored of Directors for the YETI not SETI Institute, was puzzled. "I'm puzzled, not puzzling this time! WHY do these ancient hairy beasts traverse Panama? WHY do they not leave DNA samples behind? WHY are there no sickeningly huge scat piles which we'd expect from these cunning creatures? The wiley Sasquatch is clever. Our vital research in Panama will continue as long as cerveza fria, cerviche de corvina, y patacones panameños are readily available to fuel our expeditions!"

The Solar Eclipse and Sasquatch.

Scientists Shivering Over Sasquatch Reactions to Solar Eclipse. Bigfoot Research Opportunity of a Lifetime!

Crypto-zoological 'scientists' at the prestigious YETI not SETI Institute are overly excited about observing the behavior of feral bigfoots caught in the upcoming solar eclipse. The public is advised to avoid Sasquatches encountered during this time. They may be irritable, confused, disoriented, and try to steal your special fake eclipse™ sunglasses.

Bigfoot plus Solar Eclipses equals Lunacy?

"We've never been able to observe Sasquatch solar activity during a total eclipse of the sun. This is a first!" said a senior DNA research fellow specializing in Sasquatch precious bodily fluid analysis. "Well to be honest, we've never been able to observe actual  real bonafide Sasquatch activity ever. But we're hopeful!"

"We suspect the total eclipse will freak out impressionable Bigfoots hiding in the bush, causing them to go temporarily mad with fright and seek shelter in hamburger-joint garbage dumpsters along the entire track of the eclipse. Rancid french fries are comfort food for the beasts. Our field staff of naive graduate students are stationed inside McDonalds, Burger King and Jack-in-the-Box dumpsters along the entire eclipse track, from Oregon to South Carolina. They are brave and dedicated employees. Suckers!"

Bigfoot connections with planetary bodies beyond Earth have been uncovered before:

Bigfoot Creature Found on Mars!
Shock Rover Image - - Bigfoot Living on Mars...
Vandalizes Martian Rover...  Massive NASA Cover-up Exposed!

Bored of Director Shake-up for the YETI NOT SETI Institute

Bored of Director Shake-up! Activist Investors Booted! Calm and Boringness Restored!

The YETI NOT SETI Institute announces an untimely expansion of the Institute's Bored of Directors, driven by very timely cash only contributions which finally cleared the bank:

Karl Blinng:
Ph.D., Chairman, Director, Champion, Fearless Leader. Genius. Certifiably Insane. Searching for precious Sasquatch vital bodily fluids or other sources of Bigfoot DNA.

Erk Holohead: 
Specialist in producing Institutional Self-Promoting Propaganda. Key goals are Fund Raising from bigfoot suckers, ah, sasquatch true believers (cash only please), Creative Financial Engineering to fool naive stockholders, and utilizing Essential Tax Evasion Expertise.

Ricard Schiester:
Ivy League Level Legal mis-representation, Quasi-Legal Consulting, Keeping the SEC, IRS, and DOJ off the scent, er, 'helping keep the Institute in compliance and respect recent court orders'....yeah, that's the ticket! On retainer. Charges by the micro-second. Demands payment upfront.

Brucillus Hail:
Invested in the Institute because he was promised a non-existent time-share condo in Key West. Fool! He has no idea what he is gotten himself into. He has witnessed Sasquatch cat carnage.

Divot Looney:
Suckered onto the board, er, requested to join the board. Eyewitness and victim of Bigfoot Attacks, he suspects Blinng is setting up these horrific ordeals. He watched a complete ground-breaking Sasquatch documentary and did not pass out from nausea.

Kikki Dumpster: 
The newest member of the Bored of directors and the first woman to hold this 'honor'. She is a true believer in Sasquatches, and sees one behind every tree and rock. A dedicated Ultra-Marathoner, she got her start in Sasquatchology when running away from a pack of wild Bigfoots in rugged mountains of Sacramento California. 

Krass FFFFleps:
Missing for years and doesn't pay his dues. Rumored to be running a jug wine vineyard for a Russian Oligarch in Siberia. In revenge, the Institute puts his name on any sensitive legal or financial documents which might catch the attention of Interpol or other pesky law enforcement agencies.

It has been suggested that the Bored of Directors consists of a bunch of Morons. Not at all! The Bored of Directors consists of a secret cabal of Livermorons!

About The YETI not SETI Institute.

Pokémon Go Players Warned about Bigfoot Danger!

Is that a Bigfoot on your smartphone camera? It's not a Pokémon Go creature! It's Real..... RUN AWAY!

The YETI not SETI Institute, as a public service and a blatant attempt to gain financial contributors among Millenial Mobs playing this idiotic, er inspiring real virtual reality game, wants to warn Pokémon Go players about the risk of Bigfoot sightings.

"When you see a Bigfoot on your Pokémon Go screen, don't try to capture it. These beasts will not take kindly to your attempts to grab them. Instead, these mangy Sasquatches might just decide to grab you!", said Erk Holohead, a dodgy member of the YETI not SETI bored of directors. "If you spot a Sasquatch on your smartphone, stop, drop, roll, turn, get up, and run for it! You get negative points for a Bigfoot."

This foul creature won't be found in Pokémon Go!

Ricard Schiester esq., shady lawyer by trade and yet another unpaid member of the bored of directors, had this warning; "Read the fine print on your user agreement with Pokémon Go. At no point are you protected against injuries suffered due to attempts to capture Sasquatches, Loch Ness Monsters, Evil Masterminds, Invading Space Aliens, and Fuller Brush Salesmen. You're on your own!"

Karl Blinng, Director of the Institute and on parole, was unavailable for comment. "He's out of the crypto-zoololgy lab today, playing Pokémon Go", said his underpaid PR agent. "He gets really excited when he spots a Sleeping Bulbasaur."

Video: The dangers of Bigfoot and Pokémon Go:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tACnkp4oViY

International Bigfoot Conference 2016

When: September 2,3,4 2016 in Kennewick, Washington

Learn More: http://www.internationalbigfootconference.com/

Register: http://www.internationalbigfootconference.com/#!get-tickets/s4h8e

Special Guest Speaker?

Why is the prestigious YETI NOT SETI Institute promoting this Sasquatch conference? The conference is just like the other ones we've not been invited to attend or present. Our many Institute proposals to present really important gigantopithecus revoltus research papers at such events have been repeatedly rejected for dumb reasons like 'having no scientific merit', 'dubious research' and other ridiculous excuses. The fools!

OK, we're jealous! We tried a Bigfoot conference once in fabulous Yuba City, but only our board of directors showed up, and that was because free beer & pizza were served. We're desperate to attend any Sasquatch conference where there is free food. Perhaps this attempt to curry favor by promoting their conference will finally work. We heard someone may buy free drinks there, so we're really interested in attending.

Sasquatch Sightings in Europe

A rash (mange) of Bigfoot sightings and incidents have been reported in Europe over the past few years. We have no idea why this is happening.

"Mon Dieu, cette invasion américaine de Sasquatchs à Paris est en train de gâcher ma pause déjeuner de trois heures!"

We are attempting to get a team of researchers over to Europe from the USA to investigate this phenomenon in more depth, including ancillary research into the local brews, of which these Sasquatch seem to have an attraction and will engage in theft to obtain them. Alas, we've not attracted enough scientific grant money to fly in the manner for we are accustomed - - in the front section of the airplane with plenty of champagne and filet mignon. But we're working on it!

The reported sightings of Sasquatches in Europe are impressive.... we see a pattern here. The pattern becomes quite evident after 4 scotch and waters...

Bigfoot Sightings in Europe:

https://bigfootwatchnews.blogspot.com/2024/12/anxious-amsterdam-self-medicates-after.html 

https://bigfootwatchnews.blogspot.com/2025/06/london-bigfoot-strikes-again.html 

https://bigfootwatchnews.blogspot.com/2025/05/london-thrown-for-loop-by-bigfoot-train.html 

https://bigfootwatchnews.blogspot.com/2025/01/paris-pouts-after-sasquatch-sightings.html

http://bigfootwatchnews.blogspot.com/2015/07/berlin-bigfoot-sightings-brings.html

http://bigfootwatchnews.blogspot.com/2012/11/bigfoot-sighting-in-germany-hamburg.html

http://bigfootwatchnews.blogspot.com/2010/11/bigfoot-horror-in-holland-belgians.html

http://bigfootwatchnews.blogspot.com/2010/12/paris-panics-as-bigfoot-trashes-train.html

http://bigfootwatchnews.blogspot.com/2011/05/switzerland-in-shock-as-bigfoot-bothers.html

http://bigfootwatchnews.blogspot.com/2011/05/spanish-sasquatch-sighting.html

http://bigfootwatchnews.blogspot.com/2010/02/royal-mess-on-train-for-queen-and.html

http://bigfootwatchnews.blogspot.com/2009/08/bilbao-bigfoot-binges-on-modern-art-at.html

http://bigfootwatchnews.blogspot.com/2009/10/british-bigfoot-strikes-again.html

http://bigfootwatchnews.blogspot.com/2013/09/bigfoot-scare-at-little-mermaid-statue.html

http://bigfootwatchnews.blogspot.com/2013/08/vikings-encountered-bigfoot-in-ancient.html

http://bigfootwatchnews.blogspot.com/2009/07/sasquatch-in-spain.html

http://bigfootwatchnews.blogspot.com/2009/07/bilbao-bigfoot-attacked-by-giant.html

The YETI not SETI Institute will continue to rigorously monitor for any credible Sasquatch sightings emanating from Europe.

Bigfoot is an Investment Opportunity

Big news! Serious people are seeking serious Sasquatch Stash!

The YETI not SETI Institute applauds the efforts of Mr. Carmine Biscardi and his business partners in offering an innovative stock IPO for his company Bigfoot Project Investments (BPI).

We at the Institute are highly miffed, however, that we were not invited to participate on the ground floor of this elegant Sasquatch financial project.

Potential investors can view the NASDAQ BPI overview here:
http://www.nasdaq.com/markets/ipos/company/bigfoot-project-investments-inc-900095-71841

According to reliable news sources who never call us (the fools), Bigfoot Project Investments hopes to raise as much as $3 million by selling stock in BFI. The investment funds will be used to produce movies, sell DVDs, and fund expeditions dedicated to finding authentic evidence of Sasquatch, including capturing a live specimen.

Dr. Karl Blinng, Director of the YETI not SETI Institute, was disturbed. "I am disturbed. Thanks to that pesky court order I must honor or risk going back to the BIG HOUSE, our fund raising options are rather limited. Thanks to the SEC our historic source of funding, widows and orphans, is now off-limits, gosh-darn-it."

"We desperately need new  investment funds to produce low-resolution grainy old movies, sell patchy lo-def DVDs, and fund our excellent luxury adventures and expeditions dedicated to finding authentic evidence of Sasquatch, including capturing a live rubberized specimen.We applaud financial pioneers like BPI in their efforts to use the joys of crypto-capitalism to fund important research into Bigfootology".

Erk Holohead, chief investment officer for the YETI not SETI Institute, hinted that the Institute is looking at alternative offshore investment options which will comply with that unfortunate USA domiciled court order, and yet still meet the pressing need to fund the extremely valuable ancient hominids work the organization is engaged in. "We're talking to the Russian Oligarchs about investing in our organization. We know that Yetis are swarming all over Siberia, and some are even in positions of influence inside the Kremlin! We just need more funding to continue this important work. So while we can't fleece widows and orphans (for now), the Oligarchs are fair game. The Greeks and Cypriots have already figured this game out... we want some of the action too!"

YETI not SETI Institute Director released on plea-bargain and parole.

Esteemed Director of the World Famous YETI not SETI Institute Returns to Work.

Doing Time...

 After an unexplained absence, Dr. Karl Blinng, Director and Co-Founder of the YETI not SETI Institute, returned to his post today, receiving enthusiastic applause from the Institute's staff of three, and twenty-seven attentive credit-holders.

Dr. Blinng, grinning ear-to-ear, issued the following statement:

"Greetings! It is good to be back at the YETI not SETI Institute here in beautiful Yuba City!

Many of you may have wondered why I was absent from this vital source of Sasquatch research and science over the last few months. Due to some silly legal 'alleged fraud' nonsense and related tax reasons for which I am legally bound to not provide details, the IRS and I had some minor misunderstandings.

These issues have now been cleared up. During this time, I was the guest of the US Federal government and enjoyed secure and comfortable lodgings with 24/7 services. My cell-mates, er, fellow guests, also believe that Bigfoot is real. I suspect some of the other guests have substantial Sasquatch genes in their gene pool.

I want to thank my damn lawyer, Ricard Schiester, for the dedication and hard work he put into arranging for my release and triumphant return to the Institute. It took him long enough! Especially after he botched up negotiations with the IRS. Ricard suddenly became very productive after my business associate and Institute board member Erk Holohed arranged a financial settlement regarding my alleged 3 years of unpaid outstanding legal fees. I told Ricard's legal assistant years ago that the check was in the mail, such impatience, good golly gosh!

During my stay with the Feds I started my memoirs, "My Struggle. (With Bigfoot)". In Germany and Austria we'll release the title as "Mein Kampf mit Sasquatch". I'm sure there will be no issues? We are confident that this exciting collection of my amazingly accurate theories on Sasquatch sightings will be a big BIG seller once we clean up the typos... even as a cheap Amazon ebook.

Except for this stupid tracking ankle bracelet on my left leg and some firm guidance on future research fund raising, we are back in business, fully dedicated to taking all measures to find definitive proof that Bigfoot exists!

Ah, per the IRS we'll take all donations except from little poor old ladies, widows, and orphans."

At that point, Dr. Blinng was escorted back into the Institute by Guido and Alfonso, two Sicilian representatives of a concerned creditor to the Institute.

Ancient Nordic Runes Describe BigFoot Encounter

Discovery of ancient Runic Stone in Danish Pastry Museum Reveals Early European Contact with Sasquatch?

Two interns from the prestigious YETI NOT SETI Institute, on unpaid internships in danety Denmark, have discovered an really rare Rune from around 1,000 AD which clearly establishes knowledge of the smelly North American ape-beast by Viking-era Northern Europeans... admittedly uncivilized, nasty, nordic, and dangerous, the Sasquatch encounter was made by unpleasant marauding Europeans, but Europeans never the less.

Expert translation of the Runic Stone indicates the word "Bigfoot". The meaning of the
associated ornamental lines are traditionally associated with unpleasant
people and odors during the Nordic Middle Ages.

The newly discovered Rune has sparked animated chatter amongst Crypopaleotologists across the world. Now safely displayed in an acrylic box at a Danish pastry museum after an attempt was made to pinch the priceless Rune and smuggle it out of Denmark, the Danish government has declared the Bigfoot Rune a national treasure. "It was an accident, yeah, that's it, an accident! I forgot I had it in my pocket! Yeah.", claimed the intern involved.

Another mysterious Sasquatch Rune, found in New Foundland by lost tourists in 1968,
is authentic according to members of the Newfy Screech Bigfoot Society in St. Johns.
Can this be the missing link to the missing link?

The evidence is compelling. Vikings made it to Greenland from Iceland, then to New Foundland, where they encountered unfriendly natives, no doubt motivated by the usual Viking behaviors which made them so welcome throughout Europe during the Middle Ages. In addition, Vikings encountered what can only be described as a Sasquatch... the Runes are consistent with modern day, nauseous, nasty, descriptions of Bigfoot. "This early Bigfoot encounter by European explorers in 1,000 AD may explain why people in Europe waited another 500 years before trying to go to America again." explained Dr. Narreson from Copenhagen University of Cryptotology. "I mean, if you knew there were savage Sasquatches lurking in the forests of North America, wouldn't you rather just pillage another North Sea English town again?"

Evidence of DNA Admixtures in Human and Sasquatch Populations.

Do Sasquatch and Human Share a Common Gene Pool?

Stunning scientific evidence points to the strong possibility that humans and sasquatches interbred and intermingled genetic material in ancient times, possibly as long ago as the last ice age.

Such a murky common ancestry for homo sapiens and gigantopithicus revoltus is not out of the question. It is well documented that human populations in Eurasia interbred with homo neanderthalensis (neanderthals) thousands of years ago, giving mankind such singular traits as ginger hair, enhanced resistance to disgusting toenail diseases, and the ability to laugh at crude juvenile jokes.

Human Sasquatch Hybrid:
Nature Gone Badly Wrong.

It is suspected that interbreeding with bigfoot populations in Eurasia had a similar impact on the evolution of human populations in the area. For example, excessively hairy backs are an strong indicator for sasquatch ancestors. The exceedingly rare and ambidextrously amazing capability to pick one's nose with either the left or the right hand is another clear marker of potential bigfoot DNA lurking in the gene pool.

So if your cousin, friend or neighbor reminds you of a big, fat, obnoxious sasquatch, you may have good reason to think they actually carry some bigfoot DNA.