Esteemed Director of the World Famous YETI not SETI Institute Returns to Work.
After an unexplained absence, Dr. Karl Blinng, Director and Co-Founder of the YETI not SETI Institute, returned to his post today, receiving enthusiastic applause from the Institute's staff of three, and twenty-seven attentive credit-holders.
Dr. Blinng, grinning ear-to-ear, issued the following statement:
"Greetings! It is good to be back at the YETI not SETI Institute here in beautiful Yuba City!
Many of you may have wondered why I was absent from this vital source of Sasquatch research and science over the last few months. Due to some silly legal 'alleged fraud' nonsense and related tax reasons for which I am legally bound to not provide details, the IRS and I had some minor misunderstandings.
These issues have now been cleared up. During this time, I was the guest of the US Federal government and enjoyed secure and comfortable lodgings with 24/7 services. My cell-mates, er, fellow guests, also believe that Bigfoot is real. I suspect some of the other guests have substantial Sasquatch genes in their gene pool.
I want to thank my lawyer, Ricard Schiester, for the dedication and hard work he put into arranging for my release and triumphant return to the Institute. Especially after he botched up negotiations with the IRS. Ricard suddenly became very productive after my business associate and Institute board member Erk Holohed arranged a financial settlement regarding my alleged 3 years of unpaid outstanding legal fees. I told Ricard's legal assistant years ago that the check was in the mail, such impatience, good golly gosh!
During my stay with the Feds I started my memoirs, "My Strugle. (With Bigfoot)". We are confident that this exciting collection of my amazingly accurate theories on Sasquatch sightings will be a big BIG seller once we clean up the typos... even as a cheap Amazon ebook.
Except for this stupid tracking ankle bracelet on my left leg and some firm guidance on future research fund raising, we are back in business, fully dedicated to taking all measures to find definitive proof that Bigfoot exists!
Ah, we'll take all donations except from little poor old ladies, widows, and orphans."
At that point, Dr. Blinng was escorted back into the Institute by Guido and Alfonso, two representatives of a concerned creditor to the Institute.
